Blackadder - Wikiquote. Blackadder (1. 98. BBC1 written by Richard Curtis, Ben Elton, and Rowan Atkinson. It traces members of the Blackadder dynasty and their associates through different periods of history.

Opening narration: History has known many great liars. Ralph the Liar. Benedict the Liar. It was he who rewrote history to portray his predecessor, Richard III, as a deformed maniac who killed his nephews in the Tower. But the real truth is that Richard was a kind and thoughtful man who cherished his young wards, in particular Richard, Duke of York, who grew into a big, strong boy.

Henry also claimed he won the Battle of Bosworth Field and killed Richard III. Again, the truth is very different; for it was Richard, Duke of York, who became king after Bosworth Field, and reigned for thirteen glorious years. As for who really killed Richard III and how the defeated Henry Tudor escaped with his life, all is revealed in this, the first chapter of a history never before told: the history of.. Baldrick. Baldrick: And I shall call you . I've always despised you.

With Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie. Stuck in the middle of World War I, Captain Edmund Blackadder does his best to escape the banality of. With Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson, Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie. At a New Millennium Eve party Blackadder and Baldrick test their new time machine and ping pong through. Bored of scrolling through Netflix? Can't decide which TV series to watch next? Then let Empire tell you the shows you really should be watching on Netflix. Law And Order First Season Streaming there. The character of Baldrick has become popularly associated with the comedic catch phrase "I have a cunning plan". The "cunning plans" in question are.

Edmund: Well, you are my father. I mean, you're biased.

King Richard IV: You, compared to your beloved brother Harry, are as excrement as compared to cream! Harry: Oh, father, you flatter me! Edmund: And me, also! King Richard IV: So now, my boy, when I have at last found a use for you, don't try to get out of it! King Richard IV: ! The Swiss have invaded France! King: Excellent! Wessex, while they're away, take ten thousand troops and pillage Geneva!

Chiswick: But the Swiss are our allies, my lord. King: Oh, yes. Chiswick, remind me to send flowers to the king of France in sympathy for the death of his son. Chiswick: The one you had murdered, my lord? King: . If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck — so we burn him. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off. Percy: Look, look, I just can't take the pressure of all these omens any more!

Edmund: Percy.. Percy: No, no, really, I'm serious! Only this morning in the courtyard I saw a horse with two heads and two bodies! Edmund: Two horses standing next to each other? Percy: Yes, I suppose it could have been.

Private Baldrick is a private in a First World War trench, serving under Captain Blackadder and Lieutenant George, and he's the platoon's cook. His hero is Lord. Soap Operas generally try and do this every episode or, at the least, every few episodes, with varying success, so listing them all would be pointless. The Byronic Hero is a type of character popularized by the works of Lord Byron, whose protagonists often embodied this archetype, though they existed before. Percy: Look, look, I just can't take the pressure of all these omens any more! Edmund: Percy. Percy: No, no, really, I'm serious! Only this morning in the courtyard.

Friar Bellows: Perhaps a motto for our enterprise? You've forgotten the plan! Sir Wilfred Death: I thought that was the plan! Sean, the Irish Bastard: Let's get those meek bastards now! The Hawk: And now, on to the castle, to kill the royal family and claim that throne that isn't mine by right!

Edmund: Good Lord. I wonder if it was the wine.

There are millions of them. Blackadder: Tell me, young crone, is this Putney? Young Crone: ! That it be! Blackadder: . And you don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I'm not a tourist! I seek information about a Wise Woman. Young Crone: The Wise Woman?

The Wise Woman?! Blackadder: Yes. The Wise Woman. Young Crone: Two things, my Lord, must ye know of the Wise Woman. And second.. Do you know where she lives? Young Crone: 'Course.

Blackadder: Where? Young Crone: 'Ere.

Do you have an appointment? Blackadder: No. Young Crone: Oh.. Here is a purse of monies.. Thou plottest, Blackadder. Thou wouldst be King and drown Middlesex in a butt of wine! I'm in love with my manservant.

Wise Woman: Oh, well, I'd sleep with him if I were you. Blackadder: What? Wise Woman: When I fancy people, I sleep with them. I have to drug them first, of course, being so old and warty. Blackadder: But what about my position? My social life? Wise Woman: Very well then.

Three other paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment. Blackadder: Ah, good.

Wise Woman: The first is simple - kill the boy! Blackadder: Never! Wise Woman: Then try the second - kill yourself. Blackadder: Hmm..

And the third? Wise Woman: The third is to ensure that no one else ever knows. Blackadder: Ah, that sounds more like it! How? Wise Woman: Kill everybody in the whole world! This is called adding. Let's try again, shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?

Baldrick: A very small casserole. Blackadder: Baldrick. The ape- creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. So, how many are there? Baldrick: Three. Blackadder: What? Baldrick: And that one. Blackadder: Three..

Some beans. Blackadder: . To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it? Watch Your Highness Online Etonline more. Blackadder: . And as a matter of fact, it makes me look rather sexy! Blackadder: To another plate- swallowing bird, perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months. Percy: I think you may be wrong! Blackadder: You're a sad, laughable figure, aren't you, Percy?

Baldrick, what do you think of Percy's new ruff? Baldrick: Four! Blackadder: What? Baldrick: Some beans and some beans is four! Blackadder: No, now we've moved on - from advanced mathematics to elementary dress making. What do you think of Percy's new ruff?

Baldrick: I think he looks like a bird who's swallowed a plate, my Lord. Blackadder: No, that's what I think.

What do you think? Try to have a thought of your own; thinking is so important. What do you think? Baldrick: I think thinking is so important, my Lord.

Blackadder: I give up! I'm off to see the Queen. Percy: Should I come too? Blackadder: No, best not.

People might think we're friends. You stay here with Baldrick.

Bird- Neck and Bird- Brain should get on like a house on fire. Blackadder: Bloody explorers.

They ponce off to Mumbo- Jumbo Land and come home with a tropical disease, a suntan and a bag of brown lumpy things, and Bob's- your- uncle, everyone's got a picture of them in the lavatory! I mean, what about the people that do all the work?

Baldrick: The servants? Blackadder: No, me! I'm the people who do all the work! I mean, look at this!

To me, it's a potato. But to Sir Walter bloody Raleigh, it's fine carriages, luxury estates and as many girls as his tongue can cope with! He's making a fortune out of the things: people are smoking them, building houses out of them.. This is a different thing; it's spontaneous and it's called wit. Blackadder: Right, Balders, I've lost the money! I'm going to have to run away! Baldrick: Why, my lord?

Blackadder: Well, to avoid these monks! Baldrick: No point. The Black Bank's got branches everywhere. Blackadder: Oh no! The ones who like you.

Blackadder: Am I then not popular? Baldrick: Um.. I'll show them!

Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord? Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you could brush your teeth with it! All I need is some feathers, a dress, some oil, an easel, some sleeping draught, lots of paper, a prostitute and the best portrait- painter in England!

Baldrick: i'll get them right away, my lord! Blackadder: Baldrick! Why have you got a piece of cheese tied to the end of your nose? Baldrick: To catch mice, my lord. I lie on the floor with my mouth open and hope they scurry in. Blackadder: And do they?

Baldrick: Not yet, my lord. Blackadder: That's hardly surprising. Your breath comes straight from Satan's bottom, Baldrick.

The only sort of mouse you're likely to catch is one without a nose. Baldrick: That's a pity, 'cause the nose is the best bit on a mouse. Blackadder: Get the door, Baldrick. Baldrick enters, carrying a door.

You're fired. Baldrick: But my lord, I've been in your family since 1. Blackadder: So has syphilis!

Now get out! Blackadder: Were you ever bullied at school? Prince Ludwig: What do you mean? Blackadder: I mean, all this ranting and raving about power. There must be some reason for it. Prince Ludwig: Nonsense.

No, at my school, having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity. Blackadder: I thought so! And I bet your mother made you wear shorts all the way up to your final year- -Prince Ludwig: Shut up! When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me ! Honestly, you'd think someone was coming in here, stealing the damn things and then selling them off! Blackadder: . Only you and I have access to your socks. George: Yes, yes, you're right.

Still, for me, socks are like sex: tonnes of it about, and I never seem to get any! Blackadder: Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form.

Blackadder ~ Season 0. E 0. 1 - Dish and Dishonesty. All television episodes starred Rowan Atkinson as the anti- hero Edmund Blackadder, and Tony Robinson as Blackadder's dogsbody, Baldrick. Each series was set in a different historical period, with the two protagonists accompanied by different characters, though several reappear in one series or another, for example Melchett (Stephen Fry) and Lord Flashheart (Rik Mayall).